Do you feel your relationship with your spouse or partner is not working? It’s tough to know when you should consider getting some help with your relationship. In most cases, couples wait too long before seeking help. The following is an example of thoughts and feelings individuals in relationship have experienced and how Braveability has made a difference for them…
Rick and Jill’s Situation…
Married for six years, Rick and Jill have efficient routines at home and in their lives beyond home. Jill is a high school teacher with hopes of moving into administration. Rick works in medical supply and is on the road as much as in the office. After work, Rick pops a cold beer and prepares the evening meal, while Jill unwinds and catches up on email and social media. For Rick, cooking and joking with Jill is the high point of his day and the way he forgets about work. Jill values being home as a time to “veg out” and avoid doing anything that means going back out. For her, doing her own thing and having control over her leisure is the best way of recovering from work. In contrast to the ease Rick seems to have leaving work behind, Jill finds herself thinking about certain students when she is at home. When Rick spontaneously suggests doing something, Jill often feels resentful that he does not really understand how tough work is for her. Jill hopes soon she will have less pressure at work and more time for plans with Rick, including starting a family. When she mentions this to Rick, he often responds with a joke, which makes her wonder if the dream of a family still matters to him. Rick is happy being married, but feels he and Jill are on separate paths and sometimes doubts how he can make a difference for her and their future.
Some Paraphrased Comments from Rick and Jill…
Rick: I want to be my best for Jill, but sometimes I can’t figure out how to meet her needs. When I do suggest things to Jill, which she does not seem to appreciate, I become confused with what she needs and what I want, as well. I know Jill cares about me, but it would be nice if she would initiate something to show it. There are times I want to let Jill know what’s really going on for me, but don’t know how.
Jill: There are times Rick tries too hard and makes a big deal out of little stuff. I don’t know why he does some of the things he does; I just let him do his thing, as long as he doesn’t invade my space. He isn’t perfect, and I don’t want him to be. When I mention something to Rick and he doesn’t take me seriously it’s no big deal because I’m going to do what I want anyway. But I cannot plan for a child on my own and it would be nice to see him get serious about this, if he even still wants one.
Rick: If Jill isn’t motivated to do things for me, I can’t change that. Actually, seeing the real Jill helps me realize I am not doing as much as I think I am. Anyway, she is cool in a lot of ways and I wouldn’t want to change her. Actually, some of our most real times together are when I am struggling, and she didn’t make a big deal out of it. Jill doesn’t interfere when I do things just for myself and sometimes surprises me by getting involved. There’s a lot I don’t know about Jill and I look forward to continuing to learn ways I can be there for her and then maybe plan for a child.
How Braveability Helped Rick and Jill…
In the second session, Rick expressed to Jill his confusion over whether he really was doing as much for her as he had thought, or was actually doing what he did mainly for himself. The difference for Rick came in the following weeks, as he reminded himself to imagine and include Jill’s perspective in choices he was considering. As Rick developed new understanding of his motivation for what he did, Jill began to notice him making small behavior changes and felt less pressure from him. She began expressing feelings related to her desire for independence. A difference for Jill occurred as she recognized how time by herself helped her refocus on being in relationship with Rick. Soon, they began to realize how little sincere interest in the other’s needs and happiness each had been showing. This realization was not easy for Jill or Rick, given the proficiency with which each had been approaching life. However, as they began to recognize “self in the other”, each began feeling a sense of healing and connection to the other. Rick’s acceptance that his attempts were as much about himself as they were Jill renewed Jill’s feelings of endearment for him, which she had not felt in years.
Braveability Can Help You With your Marriage Challenges
Most of our clients come in feeling like their marriage hasn’t turned out anything like they thought it would.
- Would you like to know a Love that never deviates, no matter your circumstances?
- Would you like to ‘harsh-proof’ your relationships?
We can help you with the following situations and more…
- Are you in a relationship with someone who treats you in ways you don’t deserve and are you unsure what to do about it?
- Have you been thinking your marriage will never be what it should and that you should find someone you can love before it’s too late?
- What if there were moments each week when you felt surprise and excitement at seeing your spouse, just like when you were dating?
- If you are consistently doing things to get your partner’s attention, is it possible your partner thinks you are receiving the attention you want?
How Braveability is Different
Braveability is for ordinary people who need something extraordinary in life, especially in their interactions with others. In response to your difficulties and dissatisfaction, you will be taught little-known approaches for responding to hurts, fears, and anxieties with intention and awareness of purpose. In the daily circumstances of life, you will start standing firm in the truth and love that is possible for you and for those closest to you.
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About Braveability Counseling
Braveability Counseling offers individuals a difference in how they see themselves, especially in relationship to others. It offers individuals a new understanding of their questions and approaches to challenges and relationships, so they can be part of the difference that they want for themselves and others. Inner development becomes possible during these daily challenges and Braveability offers a new personalized approach that strengthens relationships by using life’s storms to figure out what stakeholders truly want and can receive in their lives.
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