Identifying something as being contrary to one’s viewpoint is a primary way of reinforcing what one already knows and believes. Patterns that organize interpersonal interactions are based on either ego-driven views and perspectives or upon an acceptance of what one is not accustomed to and, likely, was not expecting. Acceptance of the unexpected is essential to questioning the effectiveness of one’s response to it. At Braveability, situations will not be described as positive or negative. Instead, responses to situations and the effort one makes will be described as effective or ineffective.
There are myriad influences in the life of every person. To label one form of input positive and another negative is mostly meaningless, in contrast to kind and caring interactions between individuals. According to Edgar Froese, founding member of Tangerine Dream :
“Something that is a positive impression for one person, because he can only learn from this, can be completely negative for the next and he would never recommend doing that to anyone else. Therefore, I think that both positive and negative impressions have to apply to a given situation, thus a person keeps the ability to learn until the end of his days. That is very important. I believe the worst that can happen to someone is if he begins to crystallize at a young age. Meaning that he closes up and thinks that whatever his parents, his teachers or his surrounding taught him is the entire truth. If he believes that, he is practically already dead, even if he is only 20. One has to constantly question everything and always continue to learn, to look for new things and to try to view anything given from a different corner”. (Froese, 2011, Underwater Sunlight CD insert).
People commonly label aspects of their interaction with others as positive or negative. Often, one person will consider aspects of interaction within a couple or family unacceptable and want to change other individuals. The person who desires to change someone else acts as though the other person’s mind should control his body or feelings. Such dualistic thinking about the relationship between mind and body, or mind and feeling, usually leads to false expectations of self-control and positive and negative influences on it. Although, most people would consider self-control to be only and always desirable, it often is based on the indefensible idea that one part of a human being can control other parts. The couple or family context challenges the concept of the positive or negative influence the mind has on the body or on feeling. Similarly, kind and caring interaction between individuals makes obsolete the notion that trying again, as one has tried before, is effective in an evolving couple or family.